FEAR OF THREATS TO OUR CHILDREN--Part 1
Scripture: Psalm 103:17,18
Fears for our children. When I was a child the neighborhood was safe. We could trust people around us to act in the best interests of the children. Things are different now. If we want to leave our children in day care, we must play the part of a detective and ask a lot of questions before we will leave our children anywhere.
The abduction of children by bad intentioned people has hit the environs of suburbia and rural America and we feel we must keep a constant watch over the safety of our children continuously. We have this well justified fear of threats to our children.
Children's fears.
Not only do we have concerns about our children, they, too, have fear that grips their hearts. Debra Bruce in her book, the "Worth of a Child" says that the five greatest fears of pre-schooler's 20 years ago was animals, dark rooms, strangers, high places, loud voices. Today, the stakes are much higher when it comes to children's fears. They fear parental divorce, nuclear war, cancer, pollution, muggings, and violence in school and on the streets. Add to that list the fear of AIDS, car jacking and home invasions you have an awesome list that causes all society to fear. The Lord knows what's out there threatening us and motivates us to put our energies to work trusting Him. He has promised to sustain us when we are afraid.
The Relationship of our children to us.
God is involved in the affairs of our lives and the lives of our children. Since we can't control every aspect of our lives, we must trust in the Lord and His Word to bring up our children and care for those entrusted to us. To do that we need to be aware of five fears prevalent in our society.
Five Family Fears
1. Life dominating mistakes.
We fear that as our children grow up they will make bad choices that will dominate them as they go on with their lives.
2. Children won't turn out right.
Because of those bad choices we fear that they won't turn out right. We fear that they will rebel and ruin their lives.
3. Failing as a family.
When things don't go right we immediately feel that we are somehow responsible for the bad choices of our children. We need to train our children to accept responsibility for their choices, even when they have to suffer the consequences of bad choices. Otherwise, when they become adults, they will still be denying responsibility for their choices and they will hold their parents in bondage to them.
4. A family member may get sick, be seriously injured, or die.
The late Joe Bayly wrote about the death of the young from firsthand experience. He lost three children: one at eighteen days, after surgery; another at five years, with leukaemia; the third at eighteen years, after a sledding accident complicated by mild haemophilia. Joe said, "Of all deaths, that of a child is most unnatural and hardest to bear." He did not underestimate the grief of parents. He added, "When a child dies, a part of the parents is buried."
5. Children may not share family values.
We want to feel that we have succeeded in inculcating our values and standards in our children. Every child I have ever known has questioned the values of church and parents. Sometimes they remain true to the Lord; sometimes they don't ... often not by the failure of the parents but by their own perceptions. Over perceptions of a child, our strongest tool is prayer.
Parents who want to their children accept their values need to be consistent in their own attitudes. They need to be faithful to the Lord and to the church. They need to let their children hear them pray for the church, the pastor and everyone involved in teaching their children.
We sometimes are amused at the comical way our children pick up on our example. As a pastor, I have conducted many baptismal services. In our church we baptize by immersion in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. I heard about a pastor and his family who were invited to a friend's home in the country. The pastor tells the following story: "The four children went outside to play with the others. After a short while, we heard only silence and wondered what the children were up to. That pastor and friends, found them behind a barn quietly playing 'church.' Our 4-year-old daughter Susan was conducting the baptismal service. She held a cat over a barrel of water. Trying to be as solemn as her father, she repeated the phrase she had heard many times: 'I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and in the hole you go!'"
This is an amusing little story but it shows us how our children will emulate our values and adds their own spin to it. Children have their own creativity, and this little story doesn't reflect irreverence, just childish ignorance. We teach, instruct, and encourage our children based on their talents and interests.
Five Problems of Fear
we learn, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us."1. Fear Paralyzes.
In 1 John 4:18-19
You probably know about Wally Amos through his "Famous Amos" chocolate chip cookies. Wally Amos' company grew from a one-man business in 1975 to an $80 million success story. But, by the mid 1980's, reality caught up. The company began to experience a cash-flow crunch. Then he made a deadly mistake. Listen to what he says, "When I reached the point where I was on the verge of losing the company, I started acting out of fear. When you do that, you're not acting from your centre. Fear clouds your vision. Your can't see clearly." Eventually, he lost his company, all because fear gained control of his life.
How many times did Jesus say to his followers, "Don't be afraid."
"Don't let you heart be troubled." "Fear not!" When we're controlled by fear, our vision will be impaired.
2. Fear denies the providence of God.
Our fears deny God and his role as sustainer of the universe. God tells us that even the hairs of our head are numbered. When our family fears are in charge, we are telling God that He isn't big enough to handle our fears, or he doesn't care enough.
3. Fear causes us to be controlling people.
Fear makes us manipulators. It causes us to try to control our children, other people and circumstances. This can be a nerve-wracking thing to do, if not impossible.
4. Fear causes anger
At this point we can be in danger of angering our children and ourselves. "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
(Eph 6:4)5. Fear turns us into cowards
Fear urges us to run away and could turn us into cowards. However, there is a positive energy that comes with fear that can propel you through the circumstances. Your children need to see this in you. They should know how you love the Lord, how you love them, and that you will not run in the face of fear.
Parents who love their children will model loyalty and devotion to Christ in how they speak and live. This will bring greater security in the home. The children will realize that Mom and Dad are accountable to someone greater than they are. When parents pray they benefit from intimacy with God, they bear the fruit of the Spirit, and this encourages children to look to God for help and guidance.
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
(Prov 22:6) "The way he should go" means that each child has special talents and gifts. We need to recognize those gifts and teach and train them accordingly. Every child is special and unique in their own right.At the beginning of her career, Marlo Thomas wondered if people would compare her talents to those of her father, Danny Thomas. Was she as good as he was? As funny as he was? "You're a thoroughbred," Danny told his daughter, "and thoroughbreds don't watch other horses; they run their own race." Just before Marlo stepped into her first role in summer stock, a package arrived in her backstage dressing room. It was a set of horse blinders and a note from her father. It said, "Run your own race, kid!" Danny Thomas was training his daughter to use her own talents.
Susannah Wesley spent one hour a day praying for her 17 children. In addition, she took each child aside for a full hour every week to discuss spiritual matters with each one. No wonder two of her sons, Charles and John, were used of God to bring blessing to all of England and much of America. Here are a few rules she followed in training her children:
1. Subdue self-will in a child and thus work together with God to save his soul.
2. Teach them to pray as soon as they can speak.
3. Give them nothing they cry for and only what is good for them if they ask for it politely.
4. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is freely confessed, but never allow a rebellious, sinful act to go unnoticed.
5. Commend and reward good behavior.
6. Strictly observe all promises you have made to your child.
The saying goes that the best offense is a good defense.
If we adopt these principles we will be available to our children. If we model a good relationship with God and our children, they will be more ready and willing to adhere to our values and will come to us and talk about their problems or when they are in difficulty. This approach may eliminate many fears in our children and help them find healthy relationships based on Biblical values.
(Dt. 6:5-9)